Think the worst won't happen to you? Divorce can turn even the most sensible and perfectly nice people into malicious cutthroats. And while divorce is never easy, it can get downright nasty if your spouse wants to turn the process into the ffifiight of his or her life. Whether your spouse is vengeful, abusive, money-hungry, or just plain angry, a divorce can become prolonged, costly, and psychologically and emotionally damaging to your children. Here, Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's most prominent and experienced divorce lawyers, shows you how to win any divorce fair and square, even when your spouse brings out the heavy artillery. By giving real-life examples, Leving provides essential advice on everything from picking the right lawyer and devising a winning settlement strategy to getting the most from your day in court and dealing with an ex-spouse. Divorce Wars will help ensure you are acting wisely and effectively at every stage of the process, and will help you and your children survive even the most painful and difffiicult divorce. Think the worst won't happen to you? Divorce can turn even the most sensible and perfectly nice people into malicious cutthroats. And while divorce is never easy, it can get downright nasty if your spouse wants to turn the process into the ffifiight of his or her life. Whether your spouse is vengeful, abusive, money-hungry, or just plain angry, a divorce can become prolonged, costly, and psychologically and emotionally damaging to your children. Here, Jeffery M. Leving, one of America's most prominent and experienced divorce lawyers, shows you how to win any divorce fair and square, even when your spouse brings out the heavy artillery. By giving real-life examples, Leving provides essential advice on everything from picking the right lawyer and devising a winning settlement strategy to getting the most from your day in court and dealing with an ex-spouse. Divorce Wars will help ensure you are acting wisely and effectively at every stage of the process, and will help you and your children survive even the most painful and difffiicult divorce. Jeffery M. Leving is one of America's best family law attorneys and an internationally recognized custody litigator. He helped reunite Elián González with his father in what is probably the most famous child custody case in recent history, enabling the boy to return to Cuba. Additionally, Leving is author of the successful Fathers' Rights and founder of dadsrights.com. He has also been featured in many media outlets, including Nightline , Oprah , and Larry King Live . Divorce Wars A Field Guide to the Winning Tactics, Preemptive Strikes, and Top Maneuvers When Divorce Gets Ugly By Jeffery Leving HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. Copyright © 2007 Jeffery Leving All right reserved. ISBN: 9780061121760 Chapter One Starting Out on the Wrong Foot: How to Avoid Divorce Missteps It's easy to make mistakes at the very beginning of the divorce process, especially if you're dealing with someone who is highly manipulative, abusive, or just plain irrational. Even if you are divorcing a reasonable person, it's tough to think clearly and make the right initial decisions. Most people are so angry, upset, or anxious to end the marriage that they're not thinking logically about what they should do to protect themselves or their children from an unfair settlement. As a result, they agree to conditions to which they should not agree or sign documents they should not sign. Sooner or later, they regret their actions. If the person you're divorcing is a reasonable person, the damage is usually minor. If the individual is unreasonable, though, the damage can be significant. Recognize that a vengeful spouse may be setting you up right from the get-go. She may make a credible argument that she still loves you and doesn't want the divorce to be acrimonious. She may insist she wants the divorce to be as amicable as possible, and that, for example, she happens to know a lawyer you can use who will keep the divorce process on friendly footing. You may be so desperate to please her and convince her to try again that you accept the lawyer she recommends. As a result, not only do you get divorced, but you may be represented by an incompetent who doesn't fight for your rights or have the best interest of your kids at heart. At the very start of the divorce process, therefore, you need to be alert for the following reactions: denial, naïveté, and irrationality. Over time, you may be one of those people who confronts reality, becomes less naïve, and deals rationally with the issues that arise. At the beginning, though, you're vulnerable to these three common states. As we'll see, each of them can be a mistake that leads to a divorce war. Before looking at these mistakes, though, I'd like to share a cautionary tale. Ignoring all the Clues Erin had been married to Charlie for twelve years when she noticed that he was transferring money ou