Isobel Miller gave up God for worldly pursuits. But as graduation approached and her engagement was broken, she questioned that decision. "If You will prove to me that You are, and if You will give me peace, I will give You my whole life." God heard Isobel's prayers and responded. He reached out to her, ending years of searching, and building her up for decades of fruitful missionary service with her husband, John Kuhn, in China. Isobel Miller gave up God for worldly pursuits. But as graduation approached and her engagement was broken, she questioned that decision.""If You will prove to me that You are, and if You will give me peace, I will give You my whole life.'God heard Isobel's prayers. He reached out to her, ending years of searching. Her response was to dedicate her life, along with her husband, to missionary service in China. ISOBEL KUHN (1901-1957) (Moody Bible Institute) was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She and her husband, John, served with the China Inland Mission (now Overseas Missionary Fellowship) from 1928 to 1954. She is author of numerous books including Second Mile People, In the Arena, Green Leaf in Drought , and By Searching: My Journey through Doubt into Faith . By Searching My Journey Through Doubt Into Faith By Isobel Kuhn Moody Publishers Copyright © 2014 China Inland Mission All rights reserved. ISBN: 978-0-8024-0053-6 Contents 1. On to the Misty Flats, 2. Slippery Ways in Darkness, 3. What You Should Not Imitate, 4. My Year in Arabia, 5. A Pair of Shoes and the Firs Conference, 6. Extinguished Tapers, 7. J. O. Fraser of Lisuland, 8. The Moody Bible Institute, 9. Spiritual Prevision, 10. At Sundry Times and in Divers Manners, 11. Graduation and C.I.M. Candidature, 12. The Vancouver Girls Corner Club, 13. "Let Us Go On!", CHAPTER 1 ON TO THE MISTY FLATS To every man there openeth A way, and ways, and a way. And the high soul climbs the high way, And the low soul gropes the low. And in between on the misty flats The rest drift to and fro. But to every man there openeth A high way and a low— And every man decideth the way his soul shall go —JOHN OKENHAM Of course no one in this enlightened age believes any more in the myths of Genesis and—" But here Dr. Sedgewick paused in his lecture as if a second thought had occurred. With a twinkle in his eye, he said, "Well, maybe I had better test it out, before being so dogmatic." Facing the large freshman class, who were hanging on his words, and pulling his face into gravity, he asked: "Is there anyone here who believes there is a Heaven and a Hell? Who believes that the story of Genesis is true? Please raise your hand." He waited for a response. Up went my hand as bravely as I could muster courage. I also looked around to see if I had a comrade in my stand. Only one other hand was up, in all that big group of perhaps a hundred students. Dr. Sedgewick smiled, then, as if sympathetic with our embarrassment, he conceded: "Oh, you just believe that because your papa and mama told you so." He then proceeded with his lecture, assuming once and for all that no thinking human being believed the Bible any more. Brought up in an earnest Presbyterian home (my grandfather was a Presbyterian minister and my father an ardent lay preacher) I had been carefully coached in the refutations of modernism before my parents had allowed me to enter the university. If it had been a case of arguing the claims of modernism versus fundamentalism, I do not think I would have been shattered in my faith. But there was no argument. There was just the pitying sneer, "Oh, you just believe that because your papa and your mama told you so," and then the confident assumption that no persons nowadays who thought for themselves, who were scientific in their approach to life, believed that old story any more. On the way home from class I faced the charge honestly. Why did I believe the Bible? The Genesis explanation of life's origin? Why did I believe in Heaven and Hell? It was because I had been taught it by my parents and church from the hour I could understand anything. Was that reason enough for accepting it? No, I agreed with Dr. Sedgewick that it was not a sufficient basis to build my life upon. We had experienced remarkable answers to prayer in our family life—didn't that prove the existence of God? But my psychology course taught that mind had a powerful effect over matter. If I had not been so gullible, maybe I could have seen a natural explanation. Our twentieth century believed only when there was a test and a proof. We were scientific in our investigations; we did not swallow the superstitions of our ancestors just because they were handed to us. Dr. Sedgewick, Professor of the English Department in our university, was an ardent follower of Matthew Arnold's "sweetness and light" philosophy, and of Thomas Hardy's materialism. Yet he was so apparently patient and kind toward us whom he felt were still bou